About me…
To give some insight in my views and background, I’d like to introduce myself to the reader. My name is Brian, and I’ve been on a spiritual journey for the past 30 years. Raised in an evangelical home, with a father who was a minister, I became intimate with the Christian church system. In time I left to be a Buddhist, Scientologist, follower of Yoganada, a student of a guru, and a member of a dozen mystical and magical societies.
My personal spiritual journey is outlined below, from the earliest to current. Each path has a link to greater detail and external links.
Buddhism
The Path of Peace
A clear change in my upbringing, and an early influence in my path, was the choice to become a Buddhist. In 2004 I made a decision to take Buddhist vows and follow the path. My conversion was related to my anger-filled life and need to discover solutions to life-related problems. I left after the realization my heart identified a God, not recognized by the faith.
Western Mystery Traditions
Golden Dawn
Recognizing Plato’s cave, one emerges with wand in hand, ready to reveal the illusion for what it is. So is the path of the initiated. The Esoteric Order of the Golden Dawn was my first initiatory school, which I joined after my trek with Buddhism. I left due to infighting and open hostilities between similar groups and members.
Scientology
Future Faith
The allure of Scientology came on a job interview. While interviewing for a company, the Scientologist owner had mentions of the material everywhere in the lobby. I came to know and talk with the owner, which led to my own brief interest in the faith. It taught me a lot about Communication (ARC) and the Tone Scale, but the thrust of focus on monetary investment became a quick turn off.
Western Mystery Traditions
Thelema & the occult
After Scientology, I once again looked for a spiritual bridge. This time I sought it in the mix of East and West – looking towards Thelema and occultism as the process. Joining the A.’.A.’. (Argentum Astrum), I was initiated into a serous study of the writings of Aleister Crowley – memorizing portions of his inspired work. While the work was at times impressive, I wasn’t compatible with stated views on pleasure fixation. For Crowley, the thrust of his direction was often pleasure seeking and at times finding spiritual depth.
Kabbalah
The red string
Although most esoteric schools (A.’.A.’., Golden Dawn, BOTA, AMORC) utilize Kabbalah, at a point in my life I joined the Kabbalah Center. I found it to be an interesting take on spirituality. On one hand they held spiritual beliefs based on Rav Berg’s writings. On the other hand it was similar to Scientology in many respects. Towards the end, I was hassled by coaches who wanted me to get bigger and better promotions, when I was content with the job I had. I felt the coaches I had were a bit too materialistic. Perhaps that doesn’t reflect on the organization.
Ananda
The gentle path
Leaving the West behind for a bit, I dipped my wings (as Crowley would say) fully in the East. I met a wonderful group of Hindu’s who followed the gentle path of Paramhansa Yoganada. Their leader, Swami Kiryananda, was not without controversy, however, the members I interacted with were sparkling examples of compassion. They lived together in a mansion in Hollywood and I would attend weekend events and services. I never official “left” the group as there was nothing to leave – it was as esoteric as the air.
Christian Mysticism
Tolle, Holmes and more
While Eckard Tolle and Earnest Holmes are not exactly Christian mystics, they point to the path enough to lump it into this category. At this point in my life I attended Agape, as well as small Unity churches near where I lived. I became ordained as a religious science minister through Sedona University. Tolle’s concept of the path of non thought was especially interesting and his promotion of works like “A Course in Miracles” intriguing.
Western Mystery Traditions
AMORC and more
Running through correspondence courses, I loosely joined groups like AMORC, the Martinist Order, BOTA and other mystical and magical societies. These groups often lacked responsiveness (online discussion) and relied on simplistic teachings dulled out every month. It wasn’t enough to captivate me or help in my growth, so I simply stopped my subscriptions.
Guru
The rebel guru
I joined a modern group based on the teachings of a self described psychic / guru. What impressed me with his teachings, was that he didn’t ask for people to believe in him, but rather do the methods he taught and “see for yourself.” Perhaps it was self-hypnosis at points, but I really do feel he was on to something and his teachings were inspiring. Sadly, the control of student beliefs, politics, and money – along with a blistering rage he had towards anyone in disagreement, caused me to part ways.
Left Hand Path
A study of the dark
In 2016 I was once again angry. At odds with a world of religious who rambled against immigrants or other marginalized peoples, I sought solace. In that solace was a study of LHP writers. I turned against my early faith, and in disconnection became isolate and separate from it all. But this too felt off. From this disconnection, however, I was now free of past influence – able to return to all teachings with new and fresh eyes.
Isolation
No dogma, no guru
After disconnecting from gurus/masters and dogma, I took a year or so to contemplate spirituality in silence. On October 16, 2019, the silence was broken when I heard an inner voice within my heart. It became my present guide, providing insight, teachings, and direction. This nameless essence, which I sometimes refer to as the Higher Self, has been my close companion towards spiritual insight.
Rosicrucian / Gnostic
Golden Rosycross
Isolation had me hungering for the thoughts of others. I reached out to find a spiritual group I felt was similar to my own views: No masters, No gurus. Where wisdom was from the effort of self-discovery alone. This Gnostic path was wonderful, until hidden restrictions appeared (physical attendance at locations for days on end). Having been misled several times, I opted to slip out as it was once again a group ego/mind pushing views I wasn’t compatible with.
Sufism
Hazrat Inayat Khan
In the early 90’s I read a book by HIK that led to my study of Sufi mysticism. I really enjoyed it and returned to the teachings as a way of reinforcing my personal practice in solitude. Sitting with the writings, listening to the modern group of believers – I am applying the work within the guidelines of my personal Gnosis. Their work of Knighthood is especially of interest as are their methods of meditation and spiritual work.
Advantages
The crooked path
While being focused and set in the way of one tradition can offer life long commitments and get gains from a group of likeminded believers, I found that for me the crooked path yielded great rewards. I joined groups, other groups called “dangerous,” to see for myself how dangerous it was. My understanding, from different spiritual perspectives, was formed and like a well orchestrated vocabulary, I was able to write my own proverbial book. No matter the belief you take, the journey must have at its core, Gnosis (wisdom derived from direct experience and exposure to the Divine Source.
